- Fees upon fees upon fees
- Completely unreliable fares
- Fuel surcharges on fuel they paid for months ago
- Fare guarantees that are wiped out by change fees
- Weird overhead bin policies and behaviors
- The small but obvious minority of airline employees "having a bad day" and venting on customers
- Pick your own
In their fickleness, inclination to change the rules to suit themselves, inconsistency with punishments, overplay of their power advantage and infantilization of their customers, the airlines are very much like a bad authority figure. I thought of many ways to title this article -- Bad Boss, Bad Baby-sitter, Bad Merchant, Bad Nanny State, Bad Teacher, Bad Friend, Bad Judge, Bad Parent, Bad Name-Not-Fit-to-Print -- so let's do them all! Without further hesitation...
Airplane Horror Stories
The Bad Boss
From "Dilbert" to "The Office," bosses are often depicted as responding to an overworked employee by giving him or her more work. A correlative airline behavior might be a recent experience New Jersey-based educator Ann Laurence had with US Airways. Laurence had booked a flight to Boston with the airline, but found out the day before her flight that a family member on the West Coast had taken very ill. She called US Airways in hopes of switching the Boston flight to a different flight out west on the same day.
It may have been the same day, the same airline, the same traveler and a compelling reason, but US Airways would not make the change. They forced Laurence to purchase a new full-fare flight to the West Coast, and gave her a "credit" on her original flight -- subject, of course, to a $150 change fee if and when she actually used it (a fee that was almost half the cost of the original flight).
"Sure, we can take this project off your desk for now. Here, do this other one -- then you can complete the original one."
Seven Ways to Bypass Baggage Fees
The Bad Baby-Sitter
My recent experience with bad baby-sitters usually comes down to a sitter who says she wants the job, but, as you discover later, doesn't actually want to deal with, you know, kids.
Years ago the airlines lowered prices, attracting a much larger and less affluent customer base, then cried that they couldn't afford to provide service at those prices and didn't really like the class of people they attracted. Now they routinely blame their own tremendously successful low prices for all the things they now inflict on passengers.
The airlines, which became rich, large and intertwined in the lives of regular Americans by offering very affordable (and sometimes absurdly low) airfares, now regularly complain that travelers want very affordable (and sometimes absurdly low) airfares. It was not travelers who set fares so low that regular folks would buy them -- now they're mad that we bought them?
The Bad Merchant
Everyone has visited a store where prices are not displayed prominently, if at all, and every trip you make to the register feels like an improvisation based on how much of a sucker you look like that day. Or perhaps it is more programmatic than that; for example, the Valero gasoline chain recently got into some legal hot water for failing to display its credit card prices, which were higher than the prominently posted cash prices. A lot of customers felt they had been hoodwinked into paying the higher price.
The airlines take this a step further, charging you extra almost no matter how you pay for your flights. For example, Allegiant charges a fee to book by phone, and a fee to book online -- what else is there? In this case, isn't the fee really just part of the fare? That these folks are allowed to advertise low base fares without the fees is a travesty.
The Bad Nanny State
The term "nanny state" has taken on a very loaded political meaning, but maybe that makes it all the more appropriate here. The phrase is used to disparage situations where constituents are assumed by policy makers not to be able to think and choose for themselves. Let's forget for now that some of the choices they are said to be making with full knowledge and consent are "drinking poisoned tap water" and "eating known carcinogens" and see how it applies to the airlines. In my case, it was when an airline did not look out for our interests at all.
On a recent bumpy Continental flight, the seatbelt signs finally went dark, and I sprinted my 4-year-old boy to the back of the plane from our seats near the front. When we arrived, the flight attendant was pushing out the food cart, and said, "You'd better hurry up or you're not getting back to your seat." We went as fast as we could, and literally ran back up the aisle to our seats. The cart was already blocking our aisle, however -- we missed by one row. The attendant refused to let us back in our seats, forcing us to stand in the galley in the back of the plane until the food service was complete. When the cart finally reached us, the attendant barked, "Move over! Move ALL THE WAY over!!" Having forced a 4-year-old (and four other adults) to stand for 20 minutes on a bumpy flight, she also felt the need to scold everyone.
So much for safety; Mary Poppins she wasn't.