You thought he was “the one” — you hiked Machu Picchu together, toured South America like two outlaws in love — and now it’s ended in a flurry of badly translated Spanish insults and empty wine bottles. Time to get away, you think — far away. A steal at roughly $83 per night, the Mitsui Garden Yotsuya hotel in Tokyo, Japan, is offering a crying hotel package specifically for female guests. Complete with “luxury tissues” and sappy films encouraging you to use them, the package offers rooms just for single women to bawl their eyes out as well as makeup remover and face masks to make you look like the cryfest never happened. If it couldn’t get any more Japanese, manga comic (aren’t we supposed to be crying here?) books are also included in your hotel room. Perfect way to pore over a break-up in peace.
Back from Tokyo and ready to get back on your feet — literally — a girlfriend’s getaway is the answer to feeling yourself again with some empowerment a la estrogen. The twist? Along with brunch and spa treatments, this girls’ getaway package comes with a geocaching adventure in the Santa Fe mountains. Hunting for charms in the wiles of New Mexico, you’re also hunting for your purpose.
After the inevitable soul searching that comes with being in the desert, you realize your passion in life would be to start a family. You find someone and fall in love (yes, it’s that easy). You could book a strangely elaborate wedding package, but you choose a private ceremony instead. To celebrate your anniversary (and knowing you had to unexpectedly cancel your northern lights honeymoon the year before), you book a stay at the ICEHOTEL in Sweden, which offers a special hotel package that emulates the dreamy atmospheric colors of the northern lights in your hotel room. Snuggling close (it’s pretty chilly in a hotel made of ice) and watching the swirling lights above is pure magic.
Which is why a few months later, you’re planning your babymoon. Yes, these vacations to celebrate the imminent arrival of your much-awaited family are popular enough to warrant their own hotel packages. At the Wauwinet in Nantucket, Massachusetts, expectant mothers and fathers are invited to wind down with a babymoon package, from $635, that includes a two-night stay, spa treatments and even a blue and pink cigar (because cigars and wellness retreats go hand in hand). The stuffed animal for your newborn is a cute gesture, but the White Elephant brand name is a bit unfortunate.
Years have gone by, and the time, money and energy to travel have escaped you for too long. Knowing that your idea of romance these days is take-out and a marathon of AMC’s “Breaking Bad,” the Breaking Bad hotel package at Heritage Hotels & Resorts in Albuquerque, NM, is the perfect chance to affirm your love for television … and each other. Your gift bag will include show-themed swag like stickers and posters; bath salts and seasoning salts; themed drinks; “crystal meth” candy; 15 percent off at local shops, restaurants and galleries; free Wi-Fi and optional tours. Short of “Better Call Saul,” this is as close as you’ll get to the real thing these days. As for love, nearby Santa Fe is where it all began — when you decided you wanted your family while geocaching in the mountains, and when you realized travel is truly transformative (and that there might be more to strange hotel packages at second glance).
— written by Brittany Chrusciel